1 - Nicole
- Novice Typer
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- Posts: 33
How not to sell a typewriter
Just had to share this hilarious find on eBay.
I was looking at this listing for a Royal Futura 800 in the US. I started reading the description which starts off:
"If you were to judge a typewriter solely by its looks, then the Royal Futura 800 would be a winner. But when you start typing on this typewriter, it becomes quickly apparent that this is not the machine for the serious writer."
I'm thinking, 'this is an unusually honest and in-depth seller description!'
As I read further I became more and more confused. It wasn't really singing its praises, and kept referring to the whimsical typeface, even though there was no typeface sample.
Sure enough, a quick google shows that the description was lifted from Typewriter Review.
Here's the text in full:
If you were to judge a typewriter solely by its looks, then the Royal Futura 800 would be a winner. But when you start typing on this typewriter, it becomes quickly apparent that this is not the machine for the serious writer. However, what makes this typewriter unique is the typeface. It has a cool aesthetic that is whimsical and fun. The action is nice enough, just not real solid. It makes a hollow sort of sound, and does not fill you with confidence. Looking at the marketing materials, suggests that it was intended for the home user with only the occasional typing needs. And with a wide range of colors, the Royal Futura 800 is sure to fit with any home decor. It’s great to look at, but when you start banging out words, you’re left with an empty feeling. I’m not sure why it feels this way, since the typewriter feels solid and heavy and has the rugged Royal name. It’s a user-friendly machine, with clearly marked buttons for setting margins and columns. They’re labelled “Magic” as if there’s a little genie living inside your typewriter, ready to do your bidding. But the magic fades when you start typing. If your writing project is not too ambitious, then it’s a fine typewriter with loads of style. And again, that killer typeface! Way cool. That alone is worth the price.
Probably would have been a good idea for the seller to actually read the blurb before copying and pasting! 
- Repartee
- Key Master
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- From: Brooklyn
- Registered: 12-10-2015
- Posts: 683
Re: How not to sell a typewriter
But my question is - was the reviewer being sarcastic about that killer typeface, or is "utterly prosaic, standard, serif-friendly" typeface their idea of killer? The latter would tell me they were born in a post-atypolypitic world so the print's very typewriterocity slays them. As such I would not be prejudiced by their criticism of the feel either.
"Damn the torpedoes! Four bells, Captain Drayton".
- TypewriterKing
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- From: DeepInTheHeartO', Texas
- Registered: 17-2-2016
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Re: How not to sell a typewriter
Just throwing it out there because this sounds like a TypewriterKing faux pas #28. Here is what I have been endeavoring to do before I say anything: Try it out first. Then come up with your own conclusion. I haven't always done it like that, but at least one should really read their material before they use it. But then who knows? Maybe they meant to try to reach the dilettante market.
Underwood--Speeds the World's Bidness
- TypewriterKing
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Re: How not to sell a typewriter
Definition for: How Not to Sell a Typewriter: Put TypewriterKing in charge of the Remington electric promotions department.
Underwood--Speeds the World's Bidness
- TypewriterKing
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- From: DeepInTheHeartO', Texas
- Registered: 17-2-2016
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Re: How not to sell a typewriter
I am only referring to the older models from about 1951 to about 1965. I had a pretty good Remington l25 and 26. Their razors, in my opinion, are second to none. I use one now that is a lot like the old Norelcos used to be. I swear by it!!
Underwood--Speeds the World's Bidness
- ztyper
- Key Master
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- From: Somewhere in New Jersey
- Registered: 01-10-2014
- Posts: 773
Re: How not to sell a typewriter
TypewriterKing wrote:
Remington l25
A true typewriter user right here...
A high schooler with a lot of typewriters. That's pretty much about it.
- TypewriterKing
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- From: DeepInTheHeartO', Texas
- Registered: 17-2-2016
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Re: How not to sell a typewriter
Remington l25
A true typewriter user right here...
That was a typo. I should have typed L-25. Incidentally, I shouldn't go around disparaging any typewriter which I have not been the luckiest mechanic on. So, to all Remington electric owners and users, I apologize most fervently. I have had good ones, all kidding aside, like the L-25.
Underwood--Speeds the World's Bidness
- KatLondon
- Key Master
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- From: London
- Registered: 11-10-2014
- Posts: 995
Re: How not to sell a typewriter
... Sure enough, a quick google shows that the description was lifted from Typewriter Review...
Probably would have been a good idea for the seller to actually read the blurb before copying and pasting!
Nicole that's brilliant! It never ceases to amaze me how much people are content NOT to pay attention to what the words actually say.
Re the website the blurb comes from, it is a kind of fun and interesting site, but the guy's not drenched in knowledge, and he'll quite possibly be reviewing the only Futura 800 he's ever seen. It may have had a script typeface on it - I did an image search just now and found a very noticeable extra-loopy pica script type sample from a Futura 600...
All in all though, hahahaha. Oh dear!
- Repartee
- Key Master
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- Registered: 12-10-2015
- Posts: 683
Re: How not to sell a typewriter
Just throwing it out there because this sounds like a TypewriterKing faux pas #28. Here is what I have been endeavoring to do before I say anything: Try it out first. Then come up with your own conclusion. I haven't always done it like that, but at least one should really read their material before they use it. But then who knows? Maybe they meant to try to reach the dilettante market.
OK I did dig up a Futura 800 and I have to agree with the reviewer's opinion if not the expression of it: it's like typing into a marshmallow. I thought they had missed the internal touch control but cranking that up to 9 just makes a stiffer marshmallow. The typeface is indeed what I would have called standard pica before I knew that pica was a pitch, so I am left with a sharp looking machine with an average typeface and a typus interruptus interface. "Dilettante market" is good.
Oddly the machine is NOT cheaply made! - or at least not lightly made - while the later design sometimes sold as the Royal Fleetwood for example is much lighter overall but still has a satisfying typist's touch. I guess the target dilettante doesn't know from touch but just can't stand that awful typewriter thwacking it gives me such a headache dear. Bad day at the design farm - a toy typewriter trapped in a world-class body.
"Damn the torpedoes! Four bells, Captain Drayton".
- Uwe
- Moderator
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- From: Toronto, Canada
- Registered: 12-3-2013
- Posts: 4,410
Re: How not to sell a typewriter
Probably would have been a good idea for the seller to actually read the blurb before copying and pasting!
Or at the very least copy text from reviewers who actually know what they're talking about...
The copy-and-paste disease, which can often appear to be form of foot-in-mouth, has become pandemic. I've seen it infect many eBay auction descriptions, but I suppose it's just another reality of the internet: A lazy seller (whose answer to everything is just a Google search away) uses the words of an uninformed blogger to spread misinformation when a potential buyer - who knows even less about typewriters - disseminates the nonsense in the description as his own, telling everyone he encounters that the Futura is sub-standard model.
Can you tell that I'm a big fan of the Futura models? 
The pronoun I has always been capitalized in the English language for more than 700 years.
